I am tired

My eyes aren’t focusing when I am typing this.. really dead tired after a long day of being partially productive/unproductive… People work in the day but I work at night until 4 – 5 am everyday. Sleep through the whole morning and again, the same routine repeats.. Yeah.. boring lifestyle.. who cares? Kick my butt??

I myself am tired of my lifestyle.. lack of the mood to enjoy whenever I am outside, but when I am at home.. I get those nasty feelings burying in my chest again. Desperately getting it out… Every night before I doze off.. surely there will be uninvited bits of memories battling in my head.. making my heart sinks further.. How long should I bear this feeling anymore??

Ironically, when it comes to my assignment.. I used to have all the confidence in me that I will score well in it because the effort I put in is greater and different from others… but right after the completion of my chapter 1 (final year report) this morning at the wee hour of 5am.. I felt so hopeless… staring at my work feeling so disappointed.. points repeating itself and the structure of the report is darn boring.. in the midst of struggling crapping it.. I was blanked for couple of times and was shocked that why my mind didn’t want to corporate with me anymore? The answer is just so simple.. no matter how well is your physical body, but having corrupted and disturbed mind would bring your both physical and mental down… argh.. urging myself stop being a psychotic that will ruin my remaining days in my University life!!